Mommy #2?

Frequent phone calls by the kids to dad are a part of being separated.  On a recent phone call I overheard my daughter asking how Mommy #2 was doing.  Mommy #2?  I’d like to say that I didn’t react internally, but I’d be lying.  My first thought was panic.  Would Mommy #2 be the fun mom?  Would Mommy #2 be a better mom than me?  Then I quickly turned my thoughts around and realized that the best scenario for my kids would be that they have 2 moms.  I know deep in my heart that my kids will always love me.  I also know that my kids know that I love them.

I brought MY new “significant other” home to meet the kids.  My son was calm and cool at first but then opened up to him.  My daughter was “all in” from hello.  She even started referring to him as Daddy #2 by the end of the first get together.  I am not sure how daddy #1 will take this reference, but hopefully he’ll feel the same way I do.  The best scenario is that the kids have 2 moms and 2 dads that they know care about them and also makes their mommy #1 and daddy #1 happy. 

One of the many things my husband and I continue to share is our camper/RV/trailer that’s parked in a campground at a nearby lake.  If it’s your week with the kids, then it’s your week at the trailer.  As luck would have it, the first weekend ended up being my weekend with the kids.  So we load up in the car and head to lake not sure what we’ll find since I have never opened the trailer by myself before.  The kids jumped out of the car before it came to a complete stop and ran off in different directions to find their summer time friends.  The 90 pound black lab danced around our trailer lot, so happy to be at our weekend “get away”.  I unloaded the car and carefully opened the door to the trailer, worried about what I might find.  Spiders, critters, or remnants of critters all concerned me.  Luckily nothing attacked me and there were no signs of intruders, only some musty air and a little dirt.  So, I started a list of the things to do.  Rake the leaves, mow the lawn, weed eat, light the pilot light, turn on the water, clean the inside of the trailer, un-tarp the golf cart and go to the grocery store.  So I started raking.  I raked for a whole day.  Unbelievably, the kids kept coming to me wanting “to eat” and “go to the candy store” and go for a “ride on the golf cart”.  Were they serious?  I was sweating and my forearms and hands hurt.  I was exhausted and still hadn’t mowed the yard.  Then the dog wanted to eat.  Finally I said, “Let’s go home”. “NOOOOooooooo”, they cried.  ”Please, please, please, let’s stay”.  All I could think of was that I didn’t have any shower paraphernalia nor did I have deodorant!  I decided there was too much work to leave, so we stayed.  The kids ran to their friends, screaming that I was the best mom in the whole wide world.  I got dog food and some groceries and then I passed out with a smile on my face.

The next morning (my arms ached where they’ve never ached before) I made breakfast, finished raking, mowed the lawn, weed eated (is that a word?), cleaned the inside of the trailer and I FIXED THE GOLF CART!  The gas pedal was sticking, so I headed to our shed and found some 10W40 which I sprayed in all the nooks and crannies and it worked!  I sat down on my favorite swing and looked out at my work and was so proud of myself, I smelled bad, but I had accomplished a lot.  I then texted dad how much I appreciated all that he used to do for us every weekend.  I always appreciated his efforts, but now I REALLY appreciated the hard work he had to do!  Then I washed the dishes, turned off the water, and closed up the trailer.  I had to drag the kids and the dog into the car and head home where the lawn needed mowed and weed eated…. 

Our nesting agreement is working.  Our kids are happy and well adjusted.  I am learning to be self sufficient which makes me happy.  If I ever have a moment where I think, “you’re all alone”, I remember that I have been “alone” for a very long time even though I was married.  I have never regretted the path I have chosen and as I move further along this process I am constantly reminded that it was a great choice.  Staying in a loveless marriage and being unhappy is not what’s best for our children.  There are other options.