My first birthday as a single mom has come and gone. I had a wonderful day! The kids went with their Dad last week to purchase gifts for me which was very nice of him. They chose gift cards so that I can go buy what I want. They gave me a cute card and sang happy birthday while eating cake. My Mother In Law came for dinner and also gave me a card with money and a lottery ticket, which was very thoughtful. I am very glad that I have a good relationship with my Mother In Law. Since I live far from home and in a country where I have no family, other than my kids, it's nice that she came to celebrate with us. I cooked ham, mashed potatoes, and asparagus; one of my favorite meals! I also made my favorite cake; German Chocolate, which to "to die" for! This was the first cake baked in my new/old oven and I am glad to find that it worked. As much as I'd love new appliances, the old oven does the job. As does the old dish washer, washer, and dryer. The temptation to go into debt for new appliances is subsiding. I refuse to buy anything that I can't pay cash for (except those symphony tickets that I just had to have for the coming season - including ones for Yo Yo Ma).
I have always baked my own birthday cake. I love to bake and cook and no one can make that cake the way I can so I'd prefer to make it myself and then enjoy it instead of have someone else try to make it and it not be very good. That sounds awful, but it's my birthday and I want MY CAKE! The only bad part of making my own dinner and baking my own cake is the mess that's in my kitchen... I try to clean as I go, but at some point it got out of hand (I know you can relate). But I'll wash the pots and pans and let old dish washer do the rest! Here's a link to the icing for the cake (note that I use 2 sticks of butter instead of margarine - being from the South, I use butter). http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/german-chocolate-cake-frosting-ii/Detail.aspx. I cheat and use a Duncan Hines cake mix for the cake because I just didn't have enough time to make it from scratch. http://www.duncanhines.com/
I have started a list of all the projects I need to do around the Nest. I still need to finished my drywall patch job and switch out the light fixture as well as put in new trim (the old trim now has yellow paint all over it) and paint the ceiling (since there's paint all over it)! My Dad advised that I purchase a meter for checking electrical current before working on the light fixture. He almost died once when he thought he'd turned the power off but found out, after being shocked, that there was another power source and the wires were actually live (and he was laying in a puddle of water - long story)! SO - guess what this means? ANOTHER TRIP TO THE HARDWARE STORE! I am not sure what to ask for. The guys at Home Depot http://www.homedepot.com/ are very helpful though. I guess I'll say, "I need a meter thingy to check for electricity before I switch out light fixtures so I don't get shocked". They usually melt when they hear my Southern Accent and offer lots of unsolicited advice, all of which is greatly appreciated. I have been warned, however, that the sales associates usually are not licensed electricians and I need to be careful accepting their advice. I'll let you know how it turns out.
I am preparing for my first drive home alone. I am not concerned at all and am looking forward to the drive. I will download a couple of books onto my MP3 player before I head out http://audiobooks.borders.com/. I love listening to audio books. My most recent download is Rhonda Byrnes, The Power http://www.thesecret.tv/. What a great book! I have been practicing The Secret, her first book, for a couple of years now and love this additional resource for fueling my positive thinking. I think I'll try out Tony Robbins, Awaken The Giant Within http://www.tonyrobbins.com/products/personal-achievement/. A friend recommended it so I'll let you know what I think.
Nesting Divorce
Saturday 16 April 2011
Sunday 10 April 2011
I Meet The Girlfriend
Dad introduced our kids to his girlfriend a few weeks ago. I knew that he had been seeing someone since our initial separation decision back in September/October. The first meeting for the kids was more of a play date with her kids and an introduction to his "friend". The next meeting was another play date but the kids are very smart and figured it out and he told them they were dating. Our daughter was fine with this but our son was more skeptical. Dad kept me informed of what was going on so I could look for signs of concern. At our weekly family dinner I brought up the subject and our son, point blank, asked me if I was mad. I told him that I was not mad and that I was happy for Daddy and only wanted him to be happy. This seemed to make both kids relax and accept the situation.
One weekend, both kids were in the local hockey championships. This meant Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday (the finals) we were at the arena. Dad sent me a text to let me know that his girlfriend would be attending one of the games. We met at the arena, shook hands, and then all sat together to cheer on the team. Afterwards, the kids, Dad and the girlfriend left and I drove back to the townhouse. Our son's team won the finals on Sunday so we all went out to a local restaurant with the team to celebrate. We all sat together and ate dinner. I was able to speak with Dad and his girlfriend during dinner and we got along fine. It's important to me to have a friendly relationship with everyone involved. Creating unnecessary conflict will only cause stress on the kids.
This past weekend, Dad took the kids to stay at his girlfriends house for the weekend. I am not sure how I feel about this situation and voiced my concerns to Dad. Our separation agreement states that we will not have overnight guests at The Nest for one year but it does not specify taking the kids to someones house. I will discuss this next week with my therapist. My only concern is for the kids. My understanding of the agreement is that we would not introduce overnight guests to the kids for a year, but this is gray area. This would include going away or to someones house, in my mind. When I look at the positives of this situation I see the kids having a great time with other kids, spending time with their Dad who is happy and in what seems like a stable relationship, and getting to do wonderful things like going to the beach for the day and eating out. Should I create conflict?
So another week at the townhouse has come and gone. It was a rough week. I felt alone for the first time since this all began. The kids are doing well so I am not letting it get me down. I am finding things to keep busy and am planning my first vacation without kids or husband in 17 years. I am going home to see my mother who has cancer. We are going to spend the week together doing whatever she feels up to doing. We may lay in bed all week watching movies which is fine with me. We may venture out for a few quick trips to town or a bite to eat but mostly we are just going to hang out. I have a friend flying in to meet her during the last half of the trip and he is going to drive back home with me and stay at the townhouse for a couple of weeks.
My friend and I have known each other for 6 years. Now that we are both separated we have decided to date. It's amazing to date someone that you've been friends with for so long. We know each other so well on so many levels, but it never included a romantic or sexual side. We had travelled together for work and always got along. We talked about the world, business, relationships, etc. We learned what foods we liked and got the point where we could order for each other and he'd automatically hand me his ketchup without me asking. We'd finish each others sentences and knew what the other was thinking without speaking. We were inseparable, but never crossed the line from friendship or even thought about it. Coworkers commented on our friendship and I now know that some questioned if were having an affair, but we were just great friends that loved being together and worked tirelessly on many projects. Now that we have crossed the line we have fallen into the most wonderful relationship that I have ever experienced. A relationship that is based on friendship, mutual respect, and a desire to make each other happy. We both know what we don't want in a relationship and we have found it amazingly easy to communicate our needs to each other. My husband knows my friend and has given his blessing for us to pursue our relationship.
So, as another chapter of my Charmed Life unfolds, I find myself with a happy husband and his new girlfriend. My children seem fine with all that's going on. I have a new relationship that's filling my life with love and excitement. And I'm headed home to see my mom and spend time with her. I am a very lucky person.
One weekend, both kids were in the local hockey championships. This meant Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday (the finals) we were at the arena. Dad sent me a text to let me know that his girlfriend would be attending one of the games. We met at the arena, shook hands, and then all sat together to cheer on the team. Afterwards, the kids, Dad and the girlfriend left and I drove back to the townhouse. Our son's team won the finals on Sunday so we all went out to a local restaurant with the team to celebrate. We all sat together and ate dinner. I was able to speak with Dad and his girlfriend during dinner and we got along fine. It's important to me to have a friendly relationship with everyone involved. Creating unnecessary conflict will only cause stress on the kids.
This past weekend, Dad took the kids to stay at his girlfriends house for the weekend. I am not sure how I feel about this situation and voiced my concerns to Dad. Our separation agreement states that we will not have overnight guests at The Nest for one year but it does not specify taking the kids to someones house. I will discuss this next week with my therapist. My only concern is for the kids. My understanding of the agreement is that we would not introduce overnight guests to the kids for a year, but this is gray area. This would include going away or to someones house, in my mind. When I look at the positives of this situation I see the kids having a great time with other kids, spending time with their Dad who is happy and in what seems like a stable relationship, and getting to do wonderful things like going to the beach for the day and eating out. Should I create conflict?
So another week at the townhouse has come and gone. It was a rough week. I felt alone for the first time since this all began. The kids are doing well so I am not letting it get me down. I am finding things to keep busy and am planning my first vacation without kids or husband in 17 years. I am going home to see my mother who has cancer. We are going to spend the week together doing whatever she feels up to doing. We may lay in bed all week watching movies which is fine with me. We may venture out for a few quick trips to town or a bite to eat but mostly we are just going to hang out. I have a friend flying in to meet her during the last half of the trip and he is going to drive back home with me and stay at the townhouse for a couple of weeks.
My friend and I have known each other for 6 years. Now that we are both separated we have decided to date. It's amazing to date someone that you've been friends with for so long. We know each other so well on so many levels, but it never included a romantic or sexual side. We had travelled together for work and always got along. We talked about the world, business, relationships, etc. We learned what foods we liked and got the point where we could order for each other and he'd automatically hand me his ketchup without me asking. We'd finish each others sentences and knew what the other was thinking without speaking. We were inseparable, but never crossed the line from friendship or even thought about it. Coworkers commented on our friendship and I now know that some questioned if were having an affair, but we were just great friends that loved being together and worked tirelessly on many projects. Now that we have crossed the line we have fallen into the most wonderful relationship that I have ever experienced. A relationship that is based on friendship, mutual respect, and a desire to make each other happy. We both know what we don't want in a relationship and we have found it amazingly easy to communicate our needs to each other. My husband knows my friend and has given his blessing for us to pursue our relationship.
So, as another chapter of my Charmed Life unfolds, I find myself with a happy husband and his new girlfriend. My children seem fine with all that's going on. I have a new relationship that's filling my life with love and excitement. And I'm headed home to see my mom and spend time with her. I am a very lucky person.
Saturday 2 April 2011
Butt Crack Engineering Lessons
The Nest needs some sprucing up. My first project was to paint the trim in the main bathroom white. The previous owner had painted it a hideous deep rose color while the walls were a sage green. My initial thoughts were to lighten up the trim which would make the bathroom passable and then paint the walls a wonderful, cheerful yellow when I had time (I went ahead and bought the paint for the walls in an effort to save another trip to the hardware store - I'm learning). The trim project was fairly uneventful and my 8 year old daughter helped so it was a great way to spend time with her and teach her how to paint. I was satisfied with the trim and was correct that it made the bathroom passable until I had time to paint the walls.
My caregiver asked me in passing if she could paint the walls and I said sure, not thinking to ask if she knew how to paint. The very next day my daughter tells me that the bathroom is almost finished! When I finally arrive back at the nest (it was my week at the townhouse) I was shocked to find yellow paint on the walla AND the freshly painted trim, the ceiling (which is white) and on all the other items on the walls (towel bar, toilet tissue bar, mirror, light fixture and even the nails that were left in the wall) all of which I had planned to remove. Since I have been accused of being critical in the past I decided to tell my caregiver what a great job she did and then explained that you have to TAPE THE TRIM and all other items first (in a nice, teaching sort of way)!
I decided to remove the towel bar and the toilet tissue holder with a hammer and screwdriver. I was shocked to find 3 fairly large holes in my wall when I was finished (now I know why my ex husband double dared me to do this in the past)! So, I consulted the Internet and then a dear friend (aka butt crack engineer) to seek guidance. I decided, after reviewing all the options, to cut drywall into small pieces and spackle the holes. Guess what this meant? ANOTHER TRIP TO THE HARDWARE STORE! Drywall knives are expensive and sharp! I already had an extra piece of drywall in the garage - bonus!
So today I decided to tackle the first step of the hole patching process. I wrestled the drywall onto the garbage can in the driveway. I used the templates that I had made from the holes in the walls to draw the squares onto the drywall. Then I cut the pieces, put the drywall back, had to get my 10 year old son help me put all the crap back that fell over in the garage when I pulled the drywall out and then ran upstairs to start the patching process. I had to cut the first square down a little more since it was too big. Then I decided it was easier to make the hole in the wall bigger. I pushed the little piece of drywall and pushed and then beat it a bit and IT WENT RIGHT THROUGH AND DROPPED BEHIND THE WALL! Now, I need to point out that my dear friend had advised me to screw a piece of wood into the area so this wouldn't happen but I didn't listen. After taking a break and consulting with my butt crack engineer I tackled another piece. This went much smoother. I buttered the spackle onto the piece which helped keep it in place. This reminded me of decorating cakes. The spackle is a bright pink color and I was tempted to lick my fingers a number of times. I emailed a picture of my first patch job to my friend a got an "at a girl"! I did hole number two and then felt super human! I ran downstairs, drug out the drywall, cut another piece and left the drywall in the driveway while I ran upstairs to repair hole number 3 (my momma didn't raise no fool). By now, I'm a master at this! I look at my work and realize that I can do anything! I also have a new appreciation for these types of projects and the men that dread tackling them. I put the drywall back (didn't need it again after all), straightened the garage and put the drywall cutting tool in my overflowing toolbox! As soon as I vacuum the floor then I can rest while the spackle dries which I am advised should be overnight. Tomorrow I will sand and then paint!
I may replace the yellow stained trim with new trim. I am not sure if I'll need a special saw or not; must consult BCE. I am definitely going to replace the light fixture which I figure I can do by myself. And then my bathroom will be fresh and bright! It's turned into a big project but I love learning and I really can do anything that I set my mind to do!
Next project - redo the kitchen!
My caregiver asked me in passing if she could paint the walls and I said sure, not thinking to ask if she knew how to paint. The very next day my daughter tells me that the bathroom is almost finished! When I finally arrive back at the nest (it was my week at the townhouse) I was shocked to find yellow paint on the walla AND the freshly painted trim, the ceiling (which is white) and on all the other items on the walls (towel bar, toilet tissue bar, mirror, light fixture and even the nails that were left in the wall) all of which I had planned to remove. Since I have been accused of being critical in the past I decided to tell my caregiver what a great job she did and then explained that you have to TAPE THE TRIM and all other items first (in a nice, teaching sort of way)!
I decided to remove the towel bar and the toilet tissue holder with a hammer and screwdriver. I was shocked to find 3 fairly large holes in my wall when I was finished (now I know why my ex husband double dared me to do this in the past)! So, I consulted the Internet and then a dear friend (aka butt crack engineer) to seek guidance. I decided, after reviewing all the options, to cut drywall into small pieces and spackle the holes. Guess what this meant? ANOTHER TRIP TO THE HARDWARE STORE! Drywall knives are expensive and sharp! I already had an extra piece of drywall in the garage - bonus!
So today I decided to tackle the first step of the hole patching process. I wrestled the drywall onto the garbage can in the driveway. I used the templates that I had made from the holes in the walls to draw the squares onto the drywall. Then I cut the pieces, put the drywall back, had to get my 10 year old son help me put all the crap back that fell over in the garage when I pulled the drywall out and then ran upstairs to start the patching process. I had to cut the first square down a little more since it was too big. Then I decided it was easier to make the hole in the wall bigger. I pushed the little piece of drywall and pushed and then beat it a bit and IT WENT RIGHT THROUGH AND DROPPED BEHIND THE WALL! Now, I need to point out that my dear friend had advised me to screw a piece of wood into the area so this wouldn't happen but I didn't listen. After taking a break and consulting with my butt crack engineer I tackled another piece. This went much smoother. I buttered the spackle onto the piece which helped keep it in place. This reminded me of decorating cakes. The spackle is a bright pink color and I was tempted to lick my fingers a number of times. I emailed a picture of my first patch job to my friend a got an "at a girl"! I did hole number two and then felt super human! I ran downstairs, drug out the drywall, cut another piece and left the drywall in the driveway while I ran upstairs to repair hole number 3 (my momma didn't raise no fool). By now, I'm a master at this! I look at my work and realize that I can do anything! I also have a new appreciation for these types of projects and the men that dread tackling them. I put the drywall back (didn't need it again after all), straightened the garage and put the drywall cutting tool in my overflowing toolbox! As soon as I vacuum the floor then I can rest while the spackle dries which I am advised should be overnight. Tomorrow I will sand and then paint!
I may replace the yellow stained trim with new trim. I am not sure if I'll need a special saw or not; must consult BCE. I am definitely going to replace the light fixture which I figure I can do by myself. And then my bathroom will be fresh and bright! It's turned into a big project but I love learning and I really can do anything that I set my mind to do!
Next project - redo the kitchen!
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