Dad introduced our kids to his girlfriend a few weeks ago. I knew that he had been seeing someone since our initial separation decision back in September/October. The first meeting for the kids was more of a play date with her kids and an introduction to his "friend". The next meeting was another play date but the kids are very smart and figured it out and he told them they were dating. Our daughter was fine with this but our son was more skeptical. Dad kept me informed of what was going on so I could look for signs of concern. At our weekly family dinner I brought up the subject and our son, point blank, asked me if I was mad. I told him that I was not mad and that I was happy for Daddy and only wanted him to be happy. This seemed to make both kids relax and accept the situation.
One weekend, both kids were in the local hockey championships. This meant Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday (the finals) we were at the arena. Dad sent me a text to let me know that his girlfriend would be attending one of the games. We met at the arena, shook hands, and then all sat together to cheer on the team. Afterwards, the kids, Dad and the girlfriend left and I drove back to the townhouse. Our son's team won the finals on Sunday so we all went out to a local restaurant with the team to celebrate. We all sat together and ate dinner. I was able to speak with Dad and his girlfriend during dinner and we got along fine. It's important to me to have a friendly relationship with everyone involved. Creating unnecessary conflict will only cause stress on the kids.
This past weekend, Dad took the kids to stay at his girlfriends house for the weekend. I am not sure how I feel about this situation and voiced my concerns to Dad. Our separation agreement states that we will not have overnight guests at The Nest for one year but it does not specify taking the kids to someones house. I will discuss this next week with my therapist. My only concern is for the kids. My understanding of the agreement is that we would not introduce overnight guests to the kids for a year, but this is gray area. This would include going away or to someones house, in my mind. When I look at the positives of this situation I see the kids having a great time with other kids, spending time with their Dad who is happy and in what seems like a stable relationship, and getting to do wonderful things like going to the beach for the day and eating out. Should I create conflict?
So another week at the townhouse has come and gone. It was a rough week. I felt alone for the first time since this all began. The kids are doing well so I am not letting it get me down. I am finding things to keep busy and am planning my first vacation without kids or husband in 17 years. I am going home to see my mother who has cancer. We are going to spend the week together doing whatever she feels up to doing. We may lay in bed all week watching movies which is fine with me. We may venture out for a few quick trips to town or a bite to eat but mostly we are just going to hang out. I have a friend flying in to meet her during the last half of the trip and he is going to drive back home with me and stay at the townhouse for a couple of weeks.
My friend and I have known each other for 6 years. Now that we are both separated we have decided to date. It's amazing to date someone that you've been friends with for so long. We know each other so well on so many levels, but it never included a romantic or sexual side. We had travelled together for work and always got along. We talked about the world, business, relationships, etc. We learned what foods we liked and got the point where we could order for each other and he'd automatically hand me his ketchup without me asking. We'd finish each others sentences and knew what the other was thinking without speaking. We were inseparable, but never crossed the line from friendship or even thought about it. Coworkers commented on our friendship and I now know that some questioned if were having an affair, but we were just great friends that loved being together and worked tirelessly on many projects. Now that we have crossed the line we have fallen into the most wonderful relationship that I have ever experienced. A relationship that is based on friendship, mutual respect, and a desire to make each other happy. We both know what we don't want in a relationship and we have found it amazingly easy to communicate our needs to each other. My husband knows my friend and has given his blessing for us to pursue our relationship.
So, as another chapter of my Charmed Life unfolds, I find myself with a happy husband and his new girlfriend. My children seem fine with all that's going on. I have a new relationship that's filling my life with love and excitement. And I'm headed home to see my mom and spend time with her. I am a very lucky person.
No comments:
Post a Comment